Wednesday, March 31, 2010
When My Friends Are Hurting
Generally speaking, I'm not terribly quick to anger. I mean, I have a temper, sure. And I work on being more patient and such. And I am known to get frustrated with things. All feelings that pretty much just come and go. But to really get me angry... it doesn't happen all that often. But lately, there has been a new trend crossing my path. And I'm angry. Friends often have bad things happen in their lives- it happens to all of us. Life is about the ups and downs. A death in the family, the loss of a child, a tragic injury from a car accident, the loss of a home to a fire, losing a job, and so on. And I certainly hurt for my friends when they are hurting. But the anger thing... see, that one happens a lot more rarely. I get angry when another person goes out of their way to cause hurt to one of my friends. I get frustrated because it isn't my battle to fight. As much as I would like to simply issue a challenge for the mean person to meet me in the parking lot at 3:00 so I can kick their ass... well, it just isn't my place. And that is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. I have at least 3 friends who are hurting right now because of the actions or words of others. A blog friend from whom I gain much strength and inspiration, an internet friend who became a real life friend who offers so much support, understanding and humor, and a real life friend who is always there for me and can lift me out of a troubled spot anytime. Important people who don't deserve the hurt being heaped on them lately. If it was just bad crap happening, I would be far more understanding. Crap happens. All the time. To good people and bad people. Crap has no limits when it comes to age or sex or faith or anything else. Bad stuff simply happens and we have to deal with it. But when bad stuff happens at the very purposeful choosing of another person... another person who has, themselves, experienced their own rounds of crappiness in life, who knows what it feels like to hurt or be picked on or be betrayed... but who seems to forget that their actions, their words, their choices have ramifications that they have some sort of overall responsibility for... It just sucks. And I get angry. The anger becomes frustration at my lack of being able to do something or fix something. And then I pray. And then I focus on what I can do. I can be here to listen. I can offer advice or soothing words or simply a shoulder to cry on. I can be the rock that my friend needs at that moment. I can take some of that hurt, perhaps, and absorb it. Either way, I hope that those friends of mine who have been deeply hurt by the actions of people they respected, people they loved, people they thought they knew... I hope they know that I won't hurt them that way, that I am here to support them and love them through the hurts, and that I can get angry with them and also help to soothe that anger. Because that's what friends are really for. A friend can't be defined by the hurt they cause. A friend is defined by the love and blessings they bring into our lives. I have many friends who bring much love and many blessings into my life. I hope that I am able to give that love back to them tenfold in these times when someone else is being a shithead. And for those people who DO hurt my friends... feel free to let me know and I will make arrangements to meet you in the parking lot after work... just stand right in the middle so I don't miss you when I drive in.