Tuesday, May 5, 2009
I want someone to invent a way for me to Google my own mind. I get very frustrated with my inability to retain information in my brain. I remember most of the important stuff. But there are so many gaps, so many holes. And I don't realize what hasn't been retained until it is too late. I love Facebook because I've been reconnecting with folks from college and high school and junior high- even back to elementary school. I get a little concerned, though, because I sometimes connect with people who clearly remember me... and I don't clearly remember them. They seem to have fond memories of me... and I have to fake my memories of them. The name will be familiar. The face will be familiar. If I can get enough information out of the person, I will eventually remember them again. But it is a process to get to that point. So I need a Google system that can search my brain. That can pull up my memories. That can keep it all organized and accessible. If I had that kind of system in my brain, I wouldn't have forgotten my promise to send gifts to people!! (I obviously missed the one month window on that one. So... Mim, Isabella, Alix, c3... I will be in touch soon. If I remember.) The saddest and hardest part about my messed up brain is that the memories of my children fade. I try to journal or blog or write as much as I can about them. But I can't just call up pictures in my head of Teagan as a baby. I clearly remember the moment she was born. I clearly remember her not touching her first birthday cake. But so many of the little things have faded away in these few short years. Maybe that is why I take "too many" pictures. And write down "too many" details. I have to store it somehow. I have to be able to call it up again someday. I have a little print out on my wall at my desk here at work: As we grow up, we learn that even the one person who wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken more than once and it is harder every time. You'll break hearts, too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast. You will lose someone you love. So take too many pictures. Laugh too much. Love like you've never been hurt.