Friday, February 20, 2009

Day 22: Love is faithful

Daily Reading & Reflections

Again, this is a reading that I am taking with a grain of salt. Or a lick of salt. Or more.

It's not all about God this time.

This time, I am back to thinking about the woman who has bought this book because she is desperate to save her marriage. Her husband is emotionally cruel towards her, maybe even abusive. She blames herself and looks for ways to change and improve herself so that she can be good enough, be better, be what he wants her to be... thinking it will make him change.

Or the woman who picked up the book thinking it would help her heal and help her strengthen her marriage, even as her husband repeats infidelity after infidelity.

The book is for those who wish to strengthen what is good. The book is there for those who want to rekindle what has faded.

The book is NOT going to fix any major problems in a marriage. And the message to anyone in a true marriage crisis needs to be that this book is NOT the answer.


I took today's reading to mean that when, for example, Jeff is cranky and he isn't being loving towards me, it is my calling through God to continue to show love to him. In essence, it goes back to the early lessons of choosing love even when it's a hard choice. But it takes it a step further. If Jeff were to do something that really hurt me, would I choose to continue to show him love, choose to continue to love him?

We don't fight often. I do recall one big fight early in our marriage, prior to having children. And we argued and we came to a realization and we communicated and it hasn't ever been an issue since. We chose to love. It wasn't some big huge thing that was going to risk our marriage- unless it went unattended to (that goes back to one of those earlier dares, too). But we handled it right away.

We argue and get mad at each other. We get cranky and snippy. But we don't have big fights. We don't have big issues. I feel very blessed so far!

The time will come that we hurt each other. The time will come that we face something really difficult. And when love is faithful, we choose to love each other through those difficult times.

I think of this more in terms of my kids, I think. I often tell Teagan, after she's been rotten or gotten in trouble or I've yelled at her, that "I still love" her. And I make sure to often tell her that no matter what she says or what she does, I will still love her.

Today's Dare
"Love is a choice, not a feeling. It is an initiated action, not a knee-jerk reaction. Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it. Say to them today, "I love you. Period. I choose to love you even if you don't love me in return."

1 comment:

Mim said...

Yeah, the language in that dare is definitely problematic. I think you're spot on in saying that this is not meant for people whose marriage is in crisis but I have to say that if I really thought my spouse had "lost most of their interest in receiving" my love then I'd say we were in serious trouble.

Or another way to look at it is that perhaps there is a place for loving choices to be made even when things get really bad. I do think that there are circumstances under which deciding to leave a marriage can be the best thing for both parties and surely choosing the best for someone is a loving act? But perhaps that's merely semantics. (My mum says, and I absolutely believe her, that she still loves my dad. But for them to have stayed together would have been misery making for both of them.)

Adam and I don't have many conflicts either and when we do disagree it tends to be more of a debate than a fight. (We do have one big issue but it's not something I share on-line. Just with my best girl-friends and my mum lol And we're making progress on that all the time.)