Friday, February 6, 2009

Day 8: Love is not jealous

Daily Reading

Legitimate vs illegitimate jealousy.

Legit jealousy is, for example, when a man leaves his wife for another woman. His wife is jealous (and lots of other things).

But most jealousy is "illegitimate." Based on selfishness... feeling angry that your friend got a better deal or won a contest or got a promotion. And jealousy tends to be connected to people around us.

Part of being a committed partner in a marriage is being your spouse's best supporter, greatest cheerleader. If one person in the relationship is jealous of their spouse's accomplishments... this leads to resentment, envy, anger.

"Because love is not selfish and puts others first, it refuses to let jealousy in. It leads you to celebrate the successes of your spouse rather than resenting them."

Complete not compete.

I know that I've felt jealousy of Jeff at time. I do try to focus on celebrating the event for him, though. For example, he participates in a gaming event that gets him out of the house for a long weekend or even a full week at a time. I miss him, the kids miss him, the adjustment is tough on our schedule. But I'm also jealous. Because I can't just up and leave for a week. Because I can't go away for an overnight. I need to focus on just rejoicing that he has something he enjoys doing, something he is good at, something where he gets to spend time with friends...

Today's Dare

Take yesterday's list of negative attributes and burn it. Tell your spouse something they've done recently that you are proud of.


"How hard was it to destroy the list? What are some positive experiences that you can celebrate in the life of your mate? How can you encourage them toward future successes?"

Not hard at all to destroy the list- aside from not having anywhere to burn it! But it is destroyed.

Positive experiences to celebrate... while his job can be stressful, he does get praise and raises and such. Good reviews. He has become an integral part of a gaming thing that he does- he's one of the head people for it now. He's become an amazing father.

I'm tired- lack of sleep last night. So I know there is more but it's just not coming to me. Bottom line is that he's an amazing husband and father and those are the most important successes if you ask me!!

Encourage toward future successes? Listen and be in tune to what he wants. And then be by his side to help him get there. Not nag or lay a guilt trip on him... not complain. Just... believe in him.


Kristin said...

This was harder then I thought. My own list of negative attributes was longer then the one I made for him. Time for some self reflections of a different kind.

Liz said...

Kristin, I'm confused. Your own list of negative attributes?